What A Long Hilarious Memorable Explosive Creative Autumnal Partially Air Conditioned Strange Trip It's Been!

Welcome one and all to a LONG post involving some recent travel, namely to upstate NY by way of Greyhound!

Those who know me well are very familiar with my utter disgust at what air travel has turned into these days, between the invasive security, out of control fees, dodgy service and very UNCOMFORTABLE planes. But undaunted, I decided to try a method of travel that I used to love the commercials for as a kid (Continental Trailways, Greyhound etc). For the most part, Greyhound seems to have lived up to that, certainly one of the last refuges from Big Brother. (Amtrak up until recently was that too),

One thing's for sure, this Owl BADLY needed a vacation, between the craziness of work and just feeling psychologically and creatively drained (hence, at least one reason for very sparse posting of late) and preoccupation with other matters and pursuits. SO, on Sept 20, 2008, yours truly carrying a suitcase, a carry-on bag (loaded with reading material, MP3 player and travel pillow/blanket) and bass guitar in heavy duty flight case boarded a Greyhound in Atlanta headed for Albany NY where I would be met by former musical compatriot/long-time friend Tony Scotto to be whisked away to a cozy little burg in the Catskill Mountains known as Gilboa NY located in Schoharie County, about 60 miles SW of Albany NY, population approximately 1200.

After an hour delay, we were finally on the road, winding through scenic North GA, then SC (stopping twice) and the first actual layover in Charlotte NC. I must say, I very much enjoyed the bucolic and distinctly Southern scenery of these states immensely.

As the sun set, then came another layover in Beautiful Downtown Richmond VA, looking all the more like someone stole part of New Joizey and transplanted it there! After re-boarding, I finally settled in for the night after taking 2 Tylenol PM's with Benadryl (went out like a light pretty quick).

A couple tidbits of Greyhound travel wisdom I'll impart to you:

• Tylenol PM or anything with Benadryl in it will enable you to sleep much easier
  
• Greyhound seats are far more comfortable than plane seats!
  
• Minimize cell phone use on board
  
• Bring plenty of books and/or music to amuse yourself, it takes longer than flying. In my case it was on the player:

Jonas Hellborg/Shawn Lane/V Sevalgenesh: Good People In Times of Evil

Santana: Borboletta

Duke Ellington: Ellington Uptown

Back Door: Back Door

Crime Jazz: Music In The First Degree (Various Artists)

Some Reading

Ian Shoales Perfect World - Ian Shoales (aka Merle Kessler) - HILARIOUS!

Conservatives Without A Conscience: John Dean

• Most Greyhound terminals have CNN piped in so you can at least somewhat keep informed on world events
  
• Road/Rest Stop food ain't always the greatest so choose carefully, pack your own if possible
  

• Bring a small pillow and blanket for long trips and even a lower lumbar cushion, your back will thank you.
  
  
• Allow for occasional delays, you are after all traveling by road, not air.
  
• Budget well with extra.
  
• Drink lots of water, use gum and/or mouthwash in consideration of your fellow passengers
  
• Using the facilities on a moving bus is NOT as easy as it might look
  
• Enjoy the scenery you would miss with flying, well save for most of New Joizey, Philly and Delaware.

Woke back up and we were about to hit the border of 'Joizey, oil refineries and all. After what seemed like an eternity through Paramus, I could make out the Manhattan skyline through the oil-refinery induced smog. We finally hit The Lincoln Tunnel straight into the Port Authority terminal (right near Madison Square Garden). Made it with 20 minutes to spare before my connecting bus to Albany would leave. And let me tell you, the PA terminal is NOT easy to navigate! By some miracle of divine intervention, I found my gate and we were off, AGAIN to brave the oil-refinery strewn vastness of 'Joizey by way of Route 17. One other NJ quirk of note, this is the ONLY place I've ever seen that names highway rest areas after famous people (there's even a President Grover Cleveland Rest Area, who knew?). And where else would ou see a billboard advertising" TOXIC AVENGER - THE MUSICAL"? (I'm NOT making this up!) http://site.thetoxicavengermusical.com/blog/2008/09/03/toxic-avenger-musical-cast/

Before too long, a beautiful mountainous vestige came into view, and much to this Owl's relief it was THE NEW YORK STATE BORDER!!!! From that point, no more shopping malls or oil refineries, just beautiful country scenery as far as the eye could see. The New York Thruway (Route 87) is indeed a beautiful drive!

And wouldn't you know it, I arrive in Albany 20 minutes early! Meanwhile, poor Tony got stuck in traffic about an hour away (one of those large riding mowers they cut grass with along the highways flipped over). Eventually he made it, we threw everything into his Toyota pickup and off we sped for the mountains, stopping along the way to grab some groceries for the week.

I couldn't help but grab a few random road shots of upstate NY's scenic elegance:

Before long we were at The Cabin!

The first 2 days were pretty much don't do a whole lot of anything days, as a vacation should be! The weather, high 60's during the day and just beautiful with high 40's at night (best sleeping weather ever). On two nights, we did have to light the wood stove to warm the cabin. And believe me, this stove does its job very well, a little too well sometimes (necessitating opening 3 windows and turning on the ceiling fan to balance it out).

I did however get to watch Tony practice his impeccable marksmanship with a high-tech bow and arrow. And I thought this kind of stuff only happened in cartoons, but he actually managed to literally split an arrow in 2 with another shot!

During the course fo the week, the lake area was under the grip of a Red Menace, that is, The Red Squirrel Menace. It wasn't unusual for Tony, with his finely attuned ears to pick out the distinct raspy chirping of Red Squirrels, and before I could bat an eyelid, he's grabbing a .22 hunting rifle (with a serious scope on top) and picking off one or two at a time with sniper like stealth and precision. Why pick off Red Squirrels? Very simple THEY'RE PUNKS I TELL YA, PUNKS!! These destructive rodents literally chew their way into people's houses through the wood and cause lots of structural and property damage (not to mention stealing food). Not only that, these vermin harass and beat up on harmless Grey Squirrels who are good to have around. WORTHLESS RED BUSHY TAILED PUNKS!!!!

However, come Wednesday, the pace picked up a bit

That evening, Tony and I decided to grab a pint at Clark's, a little pub/diner that has the most resolutely unhealth but incredibly delicious breakfast you could ever want! It was here that among other things, I hung out with one of the local women who liked the old KOLCHAK: The Night Stalker TV series as much as I did, imagine that! We even watched an episode and laughed our heads off (it was the one with the zombie attacking gangsters). To cap it off, a VERY intoxicated, but very friendly blonde made me promise to send her a GA postcard when I got back home. Samantha, our hilarious bartender (who also has a thing for film making, even producing a documentary about Gilboa, and consequently being hit upon by said film's narrator until her dad scared the blowhard off, he was already married fer cryin' out loud!) kept us laughing all night.

And no, you're not imagining things, that stuffed rooster really is mounted sideways!

Twice within the week, I got to have venison (deer meat) in burger form, and let me tell ya, when it's prepared properly and smoked with apple wood, it is positively the TASTIEST meat you'll ever have, plus it's actually far healthier than red meat owing to it's amazing leanness.

On Thursday, a lot of shooting took place. As it got past lunchtime, Tony and I were having a conversation somehow pertaining to useless advice books on "making it in the music biz". Well, before long he pulled a few such volumes from his bookshelf (like "The Platinum Rainbow", "Sound Advice", The Complete Handbook of Songwriting" and others), and we both contemplated what possible uses there could be for said books. Next thing you know, I'm pulling out the 'ol camcorder and we subject them to a number of grueling tests like cleaning kitchen stains, withstanding assaults from a vampire stake (real big problem in the Catskills), a hunting knife and yes, even Tony's high-tech bow and arrow (cue up Paul McCartney song here) with book attached to a fake target deer. We even "frisbeed" one and used another for a wheel chock.

However, the real fun came as we realized that a short improvised film was coming together (we considered it the kickoff of the One-Day Film Club, where the object is to shoot a film in just one day). Another mysterious entity took on a life of its own, The Gilboa Institute for Hillbilly Research. Before you could bat an eyelid, Tony is gathering up an assortment of hunting rifles and 2 pistols (.22 Ruger and a Smith & Wesson .41 Magnum), ammo and hearing protection. About 10 minutes down the road, we arrive at the The Gilboa Institute for Hillbilly Research Testing/Firing Range (actually a state forest). After locating a suitably tall log (how convenient) and setting it upright, the real fun began. Setting each book on the end (with just enough "splinters" to hold it in place), they were no match for the vast weaponry (both at close range AND a couple distant sniper shots with a .308 rifle).

After filming the closing comments, yours truly got to fire off the Ruger .22 (6 out of 10 rounds hit the black area of the target board we bought along in addition) and the real treat, the .41 Magnum, and yes, I re-enacted a famous scene from a Clint Eastwood "Dirty Harry" flick. My target was a can, and I managed to nail that 2 out 3 shots. One thing with the Magnum, it has more kick than you see in the movies and it's louder than hell!

Feelin' lucky, PUNK?????

That night the BBQ once again got a good workout as we laughed and discussed ideas for the film. What we decided was for us both to edit and piece together our own versions and get 2 unique perspectives so to speak.

On Friday, the beautiful weather took a turn for the cold and rainiy, so it was an indoor day perfect for some creative activity at the Funkyard Dog recording studio. Having bought one of my 5-string basses (a Schecter), I laid down 3 short completely improvised solo bass pieces, which turned out just beautifully due to Tony's ace engineering and agility with Apple Logic Pro recording software (which in my mind stomps all over Pro-Tools for user-friednliness and efficiency). Tony over the course fo the week also played me some brand new material he's been writing (and re-writing) for his second CD, for now to be titled "St. Antler's Day", with a loose theme incorporating a lot of local stories, characters and cultural quirks.

Dinner that night was with a MAJOR Italian flair as only Tony could do. Simmering red peppers, hot suasage, onions, olive oil and minced garlic for several hours yielded a bountiful feast enjoyed by us, Tony's frined Ellla and her daughter Veronica, however, "Diamond", Ella's dog couldn't partake (canines don't do very well with spicy food).

And alas, it was Saturday and time to head back home. Let me tell ya folks, getting back home to Atlanta was quite an adventure unto itself.

Tony drove me back to Albany, along the way we stopped off for a resolutely unhealthy (but VERY delicious breakfast) in Wyndham NY, another very beautiful locale. We arrived in plenty of time to hang out until my Greyhound arrived. It did, about an hour late!!

Despite that, the sailing was smooth, until somewhere in 'Joizey, we hit bad traffic snarls. Finally pulled into NYC's Port Authority terminal and my connecting coach had been long gone for a half hour--GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! This necessitated biting the bullet for $15 to get my tickets changed and waiting 2 hours for the next one. The woman behind the counter busted me up though, I could've sworn she said, "Just one human travelling?". We looked at each other and just busted up laughing! Much needed after that first missed connection. And seeing a fellow passenger who bore a strange resemblance to MSNBC's Keith Olbermann provided some mild amusement as well (wasn't him though, DANG!)

About 7:30 pm we're rolling out the Lincoln Tunnel and into 'Joizey once again (this is the only road trip I've ever taken where I crossed New Joizey twice in the same day, both ways!). So far so good and on schedule to make a connection in Raleigh NC (then going through Fayetteville, Augusta GA and finally home a different route. Somewhere between a late night stop in Baltimore MD and Beautiful Downtown Richmond VA, the coach;s AC unit bit the dust! Our driver radioed ahead for a new coach with functional AC. Finally pulling into Richmond about 2 am, I managed to summon up enough consciousness to watch some CNN and catch up with some current events and news.

About 3am, with a new coach, we're rolling again. But not even 5 miles out, the danged AC unit bites the dust again, turning our AC-ed coach into Hell On Wheels (in terms of temperature). Our quick-thinking driver pulls over, immediately opens the roof hatches, and after a brief poll of us passengers, decides to loop back to Richmond to get another coach, that hopefully has AC. About a half hour or so later, we pull out of Richmond again and wouldn't you know it, THE BLOODY THING ACTUALLY WORKS!! Imagine that! I finally managed to get a small amount of snooze time (probably just shy of 3 hours).

Finally make it into Raleigh NC (pretty nice scenery along the way, even when it's grey and drizzly). Completely missed my connnection AGAIN!! But wouldn't you know it, the driver being the good hearted soul he is, let me stay onboard to Charlotte NC, where I could change to an Atlanta bound bus and they would honor the ticket. So far so good.

At Charlotte I finally managed to grab something resembling a decent meal with a good hour or so to stretch out. Finally line up for the last leg of the trip home, and HOLY CRAP, that coach was PACKED!!

Despite that, the remainder of the trip to Atlanta went pretty smooth, made more bearable by a coupple of seatmates (one woman headed for Alabama, the other, a trucker bound for Texas) that made hilarious and deadly accurate observations about topics as far flung as local wildlife and panhandlers in different cities (the trucker's descriptions of the behavior of Atlanta panhandlers were dead-on accurate! There are indeed some who don't stop at money, some even try to hit you up for your nice shoes and other items, and often ask, "Are you the po-leece?") .

Finally pull into Atlanta about 6pm, about 5 hours later than originally planned but still at a decent hour, and in one piece, luggage intact (even if a bit punchy and sleep-starved). Well, I knew I was in downtown Atlanta alright when right at the entrance to the MARTA station I'm greeted by 2 panhandlers! Thanks for the welcome guys!! And sorry, I'm not an ATM machine and I WISH I was the po-leece!

That notwithstanding, it was good to be back in sunny Atlanta, getting home to both cats giving me the royal welcome (especially "Beaumont" yapping away) and telling some of my stories to Brian and his girlfiriend Lindsey. All told, it was a GREAT trip I wouldn't trade anything in the world for. Despite the AC-incidents, it's agood bet Greyhound will see more of my business. Looking forward to the next road epic

Hoo Hooooooooo!