Random Quips

1. Take a bite out of crime, feed criminals to the lions!
2. The possibility of golf being an exciting sport is about that of Mariah Carey singing jazz convincingly.
3. Nobody's life, liberty or property is safe when the legislature is in session
4. The next challenge for the engineers at Apple, create an iPod that holds 100,000 songs and cannot be seen with the naked eye
5. A balanced meal is a hamburger in each hand (credit to Frank Blau)
6. Emo is the new boy-band craze
7. If out-of-control egocentric wailing divas want to do mankind a real service, there are towns all over the Midwestern US that could use your services as a tornado siren.
8. Achieving cold-fusion is far more likely than George Dubbaya Bush having a brain.
9. Between out-of-control spending, intrusive Big Government, always having to be right and more skeletons in a closet than a Frankenstein movie, it's obvious that the Republican and Democrat parties are only minor variations of the same theme.
10. Budweiser is NOT beer and McDonald's is NOT food!
11. If Paris Hilton's being dumb was an act, then Will Hung is an opera singer!
12. DEATH brand cigarettes, now THAT'S what I call Truth-In Advertising!
13. When Andy Rooney leaves this planet, who could POSSIBLY replace him?
14. One sure fire career-killer, having George W Bush say publicly that you're doing a great job.
15. Just because something is legal doesn't mean that it's right.
16. Congress should be paid what they're worth, in other words, they should be wearing white paper hats and asking "Would you like fries with that sir? (thanks to Johnny Carson)
17. Some gems from Duke Ellington: "A problem is a chance for you to do your best", " Love is supreme and unconditional; like is nice but limited", "You've got to find some way of saying it without saying it", "Playing bop is like playing Scrabble with all the vowels missing", "If it sounds good, it is good"
18. Beware of ANY group, organization or individual that claims they're the ONLY ones doing it right, all others are inferior and if said group/organization is presided over by a charismatic, loud, fast-talking egocentric person whose grasp on reality is tenuous at best.
19. While music is an art form in part employing math, the math portion should be subservient to the emotional and aesthetic components, NOT the other way around.
20. People who hate dancing, have no sense of humor and want absolute control of all things are TRULY SCARY!
21. Everything I needed to know about music I learned from Miles Davis!