21 Ways To Be A Good Neo-Con

Not just reserving my scorn for the Ultra Liberal Democrats alone, I also will lay out a number of ways to be a good Neo-Conservative (or Neo-Con for short). As far as I'm concerned, GOP Neo-Con's are really crazy ultra-liberals in denial and there are NO MORE real conservatives in the GOP anymore.

1) You have to believe that it is acceptable and normal for someone who is inarticulate, ignorant, dimwitted and just plain stupid to hold high office.

2) You have to believe that like fallen kings and monarchs past, that it is OK to disregard the laws of the land by way of Signing Statements

3) You have to believe that it is OK to spy on your own citizens without warrants (in DIRECT violation of the 4th Amendment of the Bill of Rights) and presume each and every one to be a potential terrorist just because they buy a plane ticket or make an overseas phone call, yet it's not OK to go after foreign governments (Like Saudi Arabia, United Arab Emerates and Pakistan) that actually facilitate, support and perpetrate terrorism.

4) You consider the ways of a crow that is easily distracted by bright shiny objects, in this case the bright shiny object was Iraq, when the crow should've been mercilessly pecking at Afghanistan and annihilating the Taliban, not just sending them packing.

5) You have to believe that Fox News is completely fair and unbiased in its reporting, just like the Democrats think the same of CNN.

6) You have to believe that is OK to detain "suspected terrorists" indefinitely with no charges, trial or anything in direct violation of International Law, the Geneva Convention and The US Constitution.

7) You trumpet "Family Values" yet you cover up for disgusting perverts in your own party like Mark Foley and defend Larry Craig, and that Newt Gingrich cheating on his wife was "not hypocrisy" while Bill Clinton doing the same was.

8) You claim to be a party of ethics and law, yet an ALARMING amount of your number are under investigation or have been prosecuted and imprisoned, or are suspected of unethical/illegal activity.

9) You claim to be a party of fiscal responsibility, yet have participated in far more uncontrolled spending than most Democratic administrations. You cut taxes (good) yet don't cut spending (BAD!!!!).

10) You have to believe that invading a country that had NOTHING WHATSOEVER to do with terrorist attacks on the US and justifying it with doctored and false intelligence is perfectly OK , yet it's NOT OK to go after the REAL enemies who were responsible for it (Pakistan, Afghanistan, Saudi Arabia).

11) You claim to be a party that wants competent qualified people in important positions, yet your president appoints people that are GROSSLY incompetent, unqualified, under investigation and/or just plain spineless yes-men (just ask Harriet Meiers, Alberto Gonzalez, John Ashcroft, Michael Brown etc).

12) You have to believe that having a near incestuous relationship with the Saudi Arabian government who have KNOWINGLY facilitated and supported terrorism is in the best interest of the US.

13) You have to believe that attempting to sell several US seaports to an Arab country (UAE) that has KNOWINGLY supported terrorism and the Taliban is in the best interest of the US.

14) You have to believe that disagreeing even SLIGHTLY with George Dubbaya or Dick "The Penguin" Cheney is treason, yet agreeing in principle that being buddy-buddy with terrorist states like Saudi Arabia and United Arab Emirates isn't.

15) You have to believe that ANY alternative energy source is not acceptable and that only Arab oil should be used by our country and that energy self-sufficiency is for commie-liberals.

16) You have to believe that the US Attorney General must ALWAYS defer to the Presidents wishes especially when it is in clear violation of all Constitutional law and moral principle.

17) You have to invoke the name of Ronald Reagan while campaigning, yet you totally abhor his type of ACTUAL conservatism, dismissing anyone like him as a right-wing nut job.

18) You have to believe that having morals is for right-wing nutcases and that having them makes you homophobic, judgmental and just plain crazy.

19) You claim to be all for the Second Amendment, yet you oppose the idea of arming airline pilots against terrorists/hijackers.

20) You have to believe that it's OK to order subordinates to ignore Congressional subpoenas in major investigations and that it's OK to lie and obfuscate while accusing the Democrats of the same.

21) You have to believe that having fake staged press conferences without reporters and using fluffy throwaway questions is OK (just ask FEMA).